How long until forever, luv
by Mariachica
Summary: Spike ponders to Buffy at her grave about niblet, sacrifice, souls, and forever. Plus a little twist in the end.


Name: Mariachica (AKA Scarlet)  
Email: Buffygurlusa@yahoo.com  
Rating: PG-13  
Category: Spike POV about Buffy  
Note: I have written fanfic before, about the show Roswell.   
I even wrote a crossover between Buffy and Roswell, but this   
is my first fanfic that is all BTVS, so feedback would be   
greatly appreciated. We all know that Buffy will be coming  
back, that's obvious. So this is my take on how Spike will  
react before she comes back.  
Summary: Spike visits Buffy's grave and thinks about "niblet",   
souls, sacrifice, and the thought of forever.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of BTVS or   
the song "One Sweet Day" from Mariah Carry and Boys   
2 Men ... but don't say that in front of me, I'm still in denial ;)  
  
And I know your shining down on me from Heaven,  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,  
And I know eventually we'll be together  
One Sweet Day  
  
One Sweet Day by Mariah Carry and Boys 2 Men ~  
  
"You know, I visit there everyday ... that place where you sacrificed your life not just to saves this world ... but everyone's" Spike said as he walked up to Buffy's grave and placed a single rose by it, and of coursed, no card.  
  
"And think about what you did, how brave it was ... how I could have never done it!"  
  
"You must be getting sick of my voice ... but I have to come here everyday, it's the only thing that keeps me sane, keeps me thinking about the things that are important ... like my promise to you pet." Spike said solemnly.  
  
"I've kept it this whole time. I know it's only been 6 months. But the days are so long right now ... it seems like forever luv."  
  
"Funny how I talk about my promise to you ... like ... like I kept it so easily. But yet, here you are, 6 feet under, and there's nothing I can do to get you back. But I promised you that I will keep her safe ... that I would do whatever I could to save her life. But I wasn't able to keep that promise. I failed you!" Spike said sadly.  
  
"The niblet says it's not my fault of course. Sometimes I think she is cheering me up more than I can cheer her up. But I do my best."  
  
"I still don't quite understand it. Your gone ... I can't fight for you, fight your sometimes-stinging words, try to get to you. But I still love you, whether you believe it or not. I think that's why it hurts so much. The fact that I couldn't save you, you risked it all, for Dawn, your friends, and maybe even in a way ... me."  
  
"That's why I haven't packed up and left Sunnyhell. That's why I haven't reached out to Dru and taken my revenge on the others. Cause I could, and you know it. I could have them all killed with just the snap of my fingers, even if it's not me doing it. But ... I don't want to anymore."  
  
"It's not like we bloody well became friends and all ... well me and the niblet have always been friends ... but the others, it's just mutual respect for our love for you."  
  
"And we all loved you. Willow and Xander were your best friends, they loved you like a sister no matter how corny that may be. And Giles loved you like his daughter. Even Tara and Anya looked up to you ... and then there is Dawn."  
  
"She tries ... she really does. Cause she knows it's what you and Joyce would have wanted. She's back in school ... and it's tough, and even though I can't be there to send her off to school ... she comes to see me after wards and I help her with her homework."  
  
Spike looks up a little, and lets out a little chuckle, "Look at the bloody sap I've become. Helping a child with Geometry homework. You know what the thing is that amazes me most ... I enjoy it. Sure it's not chopped liver and all that. But she reminds me of you. And in a way, I sort of love her ... no, not like that. She was your sister, therefor, I look at her like my little sister."  
  
"It's partly because of her that I am here ... instead of at my crypt trying to stake myself. Yeah ... another repeat I know. But what do you expect. Do you know how hard it is to live with yourself thinking that it is because of you that the one you loved most is dead. The one you did your all to save, and it wasn't enough."  
  
"I keep on thinking ... if only I got up there a little quicker. If only I grabbed doc along with me so we both fell ... if only it could have been me instead of you ... and that's what I don't understand!"  
  
"This pain ... it's in my chest. I blame myself for everything. Funny ... the niblet calls it guilt ... and that everyone has guilt."  
  
"But I don't understand it cause I am a vampire ... I'm not supposed to feel "guilt". So what is up with that? Why am I of all people ... feeling guilt. Do you know what the niblet says has happened ... she said it's because I have a soul now!"  
  
"Stop laughing ... I know you would be laughing ... I was laughing out of my mind when she said it. I kept say, 'and how exactly did a I get a soul luv, did Willow perform a little gypsy spell on me'."  
  
"You wanna know what your little is said to me ... she said I actually grew a soul. I mean ... is that even possible ... to grow a soul. You can't just grow a soul ... can you?"  
  
"You know what the most distinctive thing of the night you died that I remember ... it was when you invited me in. I actually had hope ... yeah ... another weird thing. I had hope of not only you accepting my love ... but possibly giving me yours. And then I told you I was a monster ... and you didn't argue that. Then I told you, that you treated me like a man, and you didn't argue that either ... that within it's self ... was the most important moment of my life."  
  
"Whether you died loving me or not is not important ... but there is one thing you gotta know luv ... and that's that I will always love you."  
  
"I know you don't like it when I say that ... but it's true. And I will wait for you. Till the day I die and find you again ... I will wait for you ... I will wait forever if I have to."  
  
"There's just when question I have ... how long till forever, luv?"  
  
*****  
  
She walked along the bushes, and thought about the VERY crazy day ... could it possibly have happened? Had the oricles really granted her life back simply because she saved theirs?  
  
And quietly Buffy watched on as Spike walked away, thinking, thinking about what she heard. Confused about what she heard, and a thought came to her unconsciously out of no where, 'not long ... not long at all.'  
  
  



End file.
